"trust me"
That is what Pablo Escobar says, and then he shoots them, not even in the back. You blame the person who got shot, because it was so obvious that they were going to get hurt. Men typically say this, trust me, I know. See, you could tell me you like me a million times, and maybe I'll still doubt it. It is probably karma. All my friends warned me that it would eventually get me if I kept messing around with heads and hearts.
It started when I was about 18, and boys really really started to notice me. I don't know why, I looked exactly the same, was kind of shy, and I still sucked at flirting. And it was always the same type of guys. A a guy with a girlfriend, or just a bad guy. And so, I decided to start a little experiment. I began with trying to manipulate the sociopath, tried making the bad guys fall in love, and have the guys ignore their girlfriends because they were taken with me. I was surprisingly successful in some aspects. For example, the sociopath ended up with a crush, but he still hurt me worse than I hurt him. My conclusion was obvious, don't try be badder than the baddest.
But in the girlfriend department, oh man, did I excel. My first target was my boss at one of my jobs. He had been living with a girl for years now, and all of a sudden, I noticed that he took interest in me. Started speaking to me out of nowhere even though I had been working there for two years. I responded, and he began to tell me what men end up saying, that I was beautiful. The most beautiful. And so I thought that if I was the most beautiful, than that is what people wanted right? I was unfortunately wrong (very misguided). I learned that later though. My boss and his girlfriend eventually separated once she found out that I was the object of his affection. I didn't talk to him anymore after that. My first love was in a relationship when I met him. But that didn't stop him from asking me for my number, and texting me everyday, until we finally admitted to each other that we liked each other. His girlfriend moved away a couple days later, and then he was mine. He always told me how beautiful I was. The most beautiful.
I later told some boys about my experiment. One boy said that all I had to do was look at them, smile, and then the sucker was in. I wish it wasn't that easy. Another boy had a fiance, and when he began to tell me the same old things, I decided that I was sick of it. The data analysis proved what I believed, if a pretty thing gives you enough attention, that boy was as good as gone. But just as I had begun writing my conclusion, I realized that I was wrong.
I realized it when I got dumped. He didn't leave me for someone else, but because he didn't like who I was. I was so confused that it shook up what I thought love was. It also destroyed my conclusion. He would rather be with no one than be with me. I didn't know what to do and I still don't know who to trust. Telling me that they aren't like that but my statistics prove otherwise. And I don't want them to, I want to be wrong. But the thing about trust, is that you know what you're getting into. You know that there is always this possibility of getting hurt. And that makes me feel dumb, just as dumb as those people on narcos. *Pablo Escobar you are one crazy patron* But it also makes me feel kind of brave, like DEA who went after Pablo in the first place, because the chase was worth whatever consequence.
I know this makes about zero sense, and the fact that I am comparing teenage boys to Pablo Escobar is a stretch, but I just finished watching Narcos, so leave me be.
-megs
It started when I was about 18, and boys really really started to notice me. I don't know why, I looked exactly the same, was kind of shy, and I still sucked at flirting. And it was always the same type of guys. A a guy with a girlfriend, or just a bad guy. And so, I decided to start a little experiment. I began with trying to manipulate the sociopath, tried making the bad guys fall in love, and have the guys ignore their girlfriends because they were taken with me. I was surprisingly successful in some aspects. For example, the sociopath ended up with a crush, but he still hurt me worse than I hurt him. My conclusion was obvious, don't try be badder than the baddest.
But in the girlfriend department, oh man, did I excel. My first target was my boss at one of my jobs. He had been living with a girl for years now, and all of a sudden, I noticed that he took interest in me. Started speaking to me out of nowhere even though I had been working there for two years. I responded, and he began to tell me what men end up saying, that I was beautiful. The most beautiful. And so I thought that if I was the most beautiful, than that is what people wanted right? I was unfortunately wrong (very misguided). I learned that later though. My boss and his girlfriend eventually separated once she found out that I was the object of his affection. I didn't talk to him anymore after that. My first love was in a relationship when I met him. But that didn't stop him from asking me for my number, and texting me everyday, until we finally admitted to each other that we liked each other. His girlfriend moved away a couple days later, and then he was mine. He always told me how beautiful I was. The most beautiful.
I later told some boys about my experiment. One boy said that all I had to do was look at them, smile, and then the sucker was in. I wish it wasn't that easy. Another boy had a fiance, and when he began to tell me the same old things, I decided that I was sick of it. The data analysis proved what I believed, if a pretty thing gives you enough attention, that boy was as good as gone. But just as I had begun writing my conclusion, I realized that I was wrong.
I realized it when I got dumped. He didn't leave me for someone else, but because he didn't like who I was. I was so confused that it shook up what I thought love was. It also destroyed my conclusion. He would rather be with no one than be with me. I didn't know what to do and I still don't know who to trust. Telling me that they aren't like that but my statistics prove otherwise. And I don't want them to, I want to be wrong. But the thing about trust, is that you know what you're getting into. You know that there is always this possibility of getting hurt. And that makes me feel dumb, just as dumb as those people on narcos. *Pablo Escobar you are one crazy patron* But it also makes me feel kind of brave, like DEA who went after Pablo in the first place, because the chase was worth whatever consequence.
I know this makes about zero sense, and the fact that I am comparing teenage boys to Pablo Escobar is a stretch, but I just finished watching Narcos, so leave me be.
-megs
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