listening to the arctic monkeys on my carpeted floor because i can not handle real life

I was really nervous when he called.
Almost told him I wasn't home, but I knew that would be stupid, so I awkwardly tried to tell him the directions on how to arrive. I waited downstairs, trying my very hardest to look lowkey, to be lowkey, but anyone who knows me can testify that that is not something I can pull off. I was seriously doubting my outfit, a grey moon t shirt and a blue slit maxi, but it was the only thing that would fit over my cast. Luckily, Emily was available to talk and she told me it would go great, that I looked great, and then the doorbell rang.

But he came over anyways.
He also brought gummies, my favorite food, other than burritos. Dreamy right? I knew before the night was over I would have peladed myself, but I was one hundred percent okay with that. I couldn't help it, he has pretty eyes and was wearing a Strokes tshirt. Amanda stuck around, which was kind of a nice thing, because if we would have ever run out of things to talk about, she would have just jumped right in. I couldn't stop looking at his eyes, why were they so cute, and as we scooted closer together, I knew I wanted to stay that way, close.
Cheesy mix-tapes (track one):
I didn't really know what we were going to do that evening. Netflix was open on my computer, and I prayed he didn't know what Netflix and chill was. Instead, we introduced each other to new bands and I unzipped his hoodie to reveal his band tee. Dreamy *2 He showed me his favorite songs, and I vowed to listen to them after he left. I liked the ways his eyes lit up when he talked about music.
Boundaries:
I once invited someone for "once" at the house, and that led to a very big charla (chat) from my granparents and cousins, telling me I must not take things so quickly, or people would think I was pelada. I pride myself on not caring what people think, but now it was the moment in whether he stayed or he left. Taking a risk, I invited him for "once", and hoped that he would accept. He stayed and I smiled, because our night wasn't over yet. At first, it was deadly silent, and I thought I had overstepped my boundaries, by inviting him to stay. But slowly, and eventually, the conversation began to roll and the time grew late.
Here comes the goodbye:
I hopped on my good leg out the door with him, closing the door behind me. I wasn't nervous anymore. Stupid Chilean goodbyes are kisses on the cheek and I suddenly thought WHAT IF HE GOES FOR THE CHEEKS AND I GO FOR HIS LIPS? But luckily, I didn't have to make that choice. As I came in, I tried to wipe the huge smile off my face, trying to play it lowkey, like nothing had happened. But it had, and as my family all gathered in the living room to play with the kids, I let myself smile, because I deserved it.
Now what?
I'm scared and kind of stupid. I have a lot of skeletons (old exbaes) in my closet. The same old secrets that always hold me back, and insecurities that make me act like a three year old sometimes. But I can't deny that after that day, I texted my mom and Emily telling them that it had been the best day. And I didn't even take a nap.