I am a secret romantic // but i've never seen the notebook

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Not my prince. 
Happy crying in my kitchen like an idiot. But in a good way, a way that makes me feel okay. See, I will lie and tell you that I hate rom coms and I've even said that I don't believe in love. But only a fool wouldn't believe in love, because love is a universal truth. Without love, I think we'd all have killed each other by now. Think of all the time we use looking for a so called soul mate. I dated a boy once who didn't believe in soul mates. He told me that he thought you could live happily with a lot of people, and hopefully the one you chose would make you the happiest. But he did believe in all the cheesy things that you can think of. I can only imagine the face that I gave him. I toughly told him that I hated love songs and movies, and eventually he was no longer the perfect gentleman who brought chocolate to the door, he was just another boy.
I've never seen the Notebook
Figured it would be a means to an end, the worlds most romantic movie, to turn me into a true cheese lover, a believer in fairy tales. My mom loved romantic comedies, so growing up I saw them all. I even bought The Notebook at Walmart, all my friends raved about it, and it was on sale, only a $1.98. But I never watched it, I placed it on a shelf with all the other DVDs and later sold it in a garage sale, or maybe I gave it to one of my friends. I refused to give into another rom com with a prince charming who would save the girl from a loveless life, proclaiming myself a feminist who didn't need no man.
My Love Life was not normal. 
And it's always kind of been a mess. My first kiss finally came at the age of 18, and it was okay. I just wanted to freaking kiss someone already so I kissed the cutest boy in school.. After that, I continued to look for boys but this time it was not to kiss them it was to make them fall for me. And I was successful, not caring who I hurt in the way. But I finally did fall in love and he broke my heart. I lost fifteen pounds, and met someone else. He brought flowers to the door, asking me to be his girlfriend and I ran the opposite direction (flowers in hand). My friends used to say I was just in it for the chase. Once I had cornered and caught my prey, I let them go, wondering what the heck was my problem.
Underneath all of that,
Under all the manipulation, the secrets, the heartbreak, I am a secret romantic. My kitchen is witness to the hidden smiles that I get when I read the messages you send me, and the happy dances while I mix my soups. I still believe in all of that love mumbo jumbo, although I might not even know what love is yet. But that doesn't mean I don't want to find out. I want to find a new definition of love, one that makes me optimistic for the life that is to come.

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